I hit the town with my man. He is hot. I mean, he is that guy that turns heads and he is mine. How did I get him?! Not only is he hot but he is the whole package!
Babysitter for the night, we freshened up in our hotel room for the night then headed to Maggianos. Yum and fun. We took a “seat yourself booth” beside the bar and we ordered drinks. I needed a drink. Then we ordered some comfort food. We laughed and we looked …normal. We looked like a couple with a babysitter having a date. Well, my man knows how to treat me and we were not done after dinner. We hit up the Kroger for some dark chocolate for me, gelato for him, and we mixed and matched a six pack for us to share. We laughed and held on to each other. “This would not be fun with anyone but you.” His simple compliments mean the world to me.
Seeing us here, someone would almost think we were normal. I feel better than that. I feel like I have conquered the world. And so I owe the world to my husband. Because I am not wearing this scarf to make a fashion statement. When we return to the room and I pull it off, I am hiding a fresh scar and a swollen incision. And we have not traveled seven hours for our fun night on the town. I have a post op. appt. tomorrow at Duke.
But I strut through this town like I own it. And I walk through the doors of Duke University Hospital like I have an honors degree here. And I chat with the leading surgeon in MEN2A Cancer like we are BFFs. Because I can do anything. I can have cancer. And the very best husband in the whole entire world just makes it feel like one hot date.
“Those that can not do, teach.” That has been the cop out of my life. I have a degree in elementary education and teaching experience in a million different ways under my belt, but I have most been a teacher as a mom. Why, oh why, like the Apostle Paul, can I teach without doing it myself? I am the biggest of hypocrites! Here is a list of the things that I teach my young daughter that I have not yet learned myself:
1. Be YOURSELF! This is such an old, feel good saying but it is so true! I look at my daughter and she is so amazingly beautiful inside and out and she is trying to figure out who she is and she struggles with learning her own identity and I want so much for her to just be herself! She loves animals. She knows so much about them. There is not a single animal in this whole world that she does not find interesting, and yet, she has learned that some people find many of them gross. I have seen her pretend to be scared of a spider and I want to say to her, “BE YOURSELF!” but it is something that she has to learn. I can not learn this for her. But as I guide her in the journey of discovering herself, I see that just now, in my thirties I am learning who I am. Who am I? I am a child of God. This is the most important thing about me. I do not really care if that offends you because it is me and it is right. I am a writer. Oh, how I love to write. How many writings I tossed because I did not think they amounted to anything. I love coffee. Lots of it. Black. I love chocolate. Dark chocolate. 90% cocoa. Where have you been my whole life? I am a wife. I love my husband. So much. I do not deserve him. He is amazing. We are one. I am a mother. Thank God. I am a mother. It is a miracle. I am an introvert. This is ok. Sometimes, ok, a lot of times, I just want to be by myself.
2. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes. What matters is if you learn from it. My adorable little girl will trip in public and the first thing she does is look around to see who saw her. IT DOES NOT MATTER WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS! I tell her this over and over. You will make mistakes. It is ok. It really is ok. Admit it. Say sorry, if needed. Then move on and forget it. Why can I not do this myself? Why do I dwell on it for so long? I wonder what people think about me all the time. Why can I not learn from it and move on?
3. Do NOT do something to make yourself happy. Do what is right and it will give you JOY. That is so much better! “Sweetie, pick a healthy snack.” “Let’s get some exercise.” “Introduce yourself.” “Say sorry.” Sometimes, oh so often, things are hard. Life can just be hard. But do not approach any situation to make yourself happy, approach the situation doing what is right.
4. Jesus has never failed me. The church has. Christians have. Family has. Security has. Money has. People have. But Jesus has never failed me. Ever.
5. A million billion other things. I am still learning every day. It is an incredible, immense blessing to be a mother. I am thankful for my daughter every single day. I always knew I would love her. I always knew I would take care of her. I never ever knew how much I would learn from her! Thank you Jesus!
In the early a.m., there was a sweet little voice whispering, “Mommy” and a gentle little nudge. My Little Pony jammies and messy hair smiled back at me. Little girl hands proudly offered up a fresh mug of coffee. I am so overwhelmed by the joy I feel in what should be a hard time of recovery.