A Boy and a Girl

A boy.  Had a mom and a dad.  Went to school.  Got a job.  Lived a life.

A girl.  Played a game.  Drove a car.  Ate a dinner.  Lived a life.

Blowing wildly in the wind, her finger stroked back her hair, constraining it behind her ear, exposing her blushing cheeks.  Beating wildly, his heart was focused on her.  Her white smile, her wondering eyes, legs crossed, and perfect teeth biting her bottom lip.  Flowers bathed in the sun, green grass welcomed bare feet, and the bench they sat upon was utopia overlooking the flowing river.  The people passing by in the park were not there to them.  The dogs running freely did not steal their attention.  Fixed and enchanted in this perfect minute of eternity.  The four inches between them began to close as he inched his arm around her and she lay her head on his shoulder.  For the first time.  The cherished first time that would begin to bond them in the first moments of love.

Together is the sun shining and the birds singing.  Love makes everything much more interesting.

This Me That’s You

It’s not that funny or as grand, just not that big of a deal unless you are here.
I have this big part of me that has become you.
It’s not a phone call or a promise of tonight.
It is needing you here with all of my might.
I can not think or concentrate.
‘Til I have you by my side.
Cause it’s part of me that’s missing.
How am I supposed to see without my eyes?
Or run without my legs?
Because my heart can’t beat when I’m all alone.
It misses you that’s me.
That is where you are supposed to be.

Christmas Shopping Accomplished Here

There is that person that has everything.  That person that you have no clue what to get for them.

 Problem solved.  Checked off the list.  Accomplished.

They will like it upon opening.  They will love it upon reading.

Merry Christmas!

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Messing up is the name of my game.  Idealist at heart, I see my mistakes as I am making them and then I have a hard time letting them go.  I say “no” to visiting with a friend when I should say “yes,” I am not patient with my daughter when I am the one running late, I am selfish instead of serving my husband.  Again and again, I chose me instead of looking around and being so overwhelmed with thanksgiving with having every single desire that I have ever wished upon met in my here and now.  I am living the dream.  As a little girl, when I sat with my chin resting on my palm, staring out the window and thinking what I wanted in my wildest dreams, it is this!  It is my husband and my daughter and this life that I live.  I am ashamed that so many days, I stress about cleaning my home instead of playing “Littlest PetShop” with Madison, I am ashamed that I snap at my husband. But not today.

Today, I look at them and I will spend my whole entire day thanking God for them!  Today, I will squeeze Madison tight and kiss her cheek over and over until she wiggles free to go play with her cousins.  Today, I will just sit on the couch with James’s arm around me.  Today, I am immensely thankful for my almost 8,000 new friends that I am sharing life with through Beautiful Life with Cancer.  Today, I am thankful for my in-laws that I miss that I can’t be with today.  Today I will join hands with my humongous extended family as we pray and thank our Savior for living a life of suffering and dying a tortured death so that I can live my life of blessing and partake in the hope and joy of a future in heaven, today I will feast and I will be thankful.  Today, I give thanks.

Paramount Meekness

Small little girl, there was insignificant little Caroline.  It was before the foundation of the earth.  Upon my knees, I bowed.  No life in my body, staring into the abyss, gazing into the world that was not yet created.

Your hands reached down.  Large and strong.  Your meek hands compassed my face, circling and examining.

Rightful power to crush me, before my life begins.  Judgement and execution can not be denied you.

Hands within an inch of my face, covered every inch.  Your left hand paused.  Your right hand turned.  My cheek is exposed to the back of your right hand.  Slap?  Eliminate?  Start over with your creation?

Your eyes looked at me.  They pierced through my chest and into my not yet beating heart.  You saw my future, my life, my burdens, and my struggles.  You could make me never be.

Your right hand, turned to my cheek.  Will it begin to erase?  It moved.  Gently, softly, it rubbed down my face.  You move forward.  With your whole body, none of me is left exposed.  The God of the Universe hugged me.

Slowly, you backed.  A deep breath and a thought gives me life.  You smiled.  My cries were heard on earth.  A new baby was born.

This life, you gave me.  You made me and you approved.

When I am scared, when I fail, when I look and compare and say, “I am not enough,” when I cry, when I despair, I close my eyes.  As still as I can be.  As absent from this world as possible.  All I do is feel.  And you are there.  Your arms surround me.  None of me is exposed.  You whisper like you do, “Baby girl, I made you.  You are mine.  I approve.”  The God of the Universe is hugging me.

Is This a Bad Idea?


I have written about Tucker before.  He’s a keeper.  But he has this little secret.  He wags his tail and he’s about perfected the puppy dog eyes.  But there is something that lurks in his darkness.  Meal time.  He completely turns into a different dog!  He turns from the short, fat, lazy, happy dog into a potential killer.  He seriously shows his fangs, his hair stands up, and he growls like a mad dog when there is food around.

Tucker’s background:  We rescued him at 2 months old.  So, we assume that he was fighting for his food (or having it stolen from him) before he was found and then rescued by us.  We have had him now for over two and a half years.

We have tried EVERYTHING!  I mean everything.  But, as soon as I put down a bowl of food, he snaps and becomes the beast.

BUT, it is different if I am feeding him a snack out of my hand.  I have started feeding him his dinner out of my hands.  He happily eats.  Never growls.  And walks away with a “thank you” attitude. SO, HERE IS THE QUESTION:  Is this helping or making it worse?  Will he learn to separate food and aggression?  Or am I spoiling him?