Marry Jesus

Deep, but soft spoken voice, sturdy, the theologian type.

I responded with “Yes sir” and taking advice, I was there to learn.

Premarital counseling. Ironically, by myself. James was eleven hours away. We were a long distance relationship for six months.

“Caroline, Why do you want to marry James?” He read the question from his notes and then stared deeply at me, awaiting the answer to the important question.

I did not know. Sitting in these counseling sessions, I always wanted to say the right thing and here was a fundamental question that I did not know the answer to. It was off the cuff, and it was from my heart. It didn’t sound right, I was wishing I had thought it through more and knew how to better word this. I didn’t. I didn’t have that time but I knew my answer. At least, I knew the real reason, but I didn’t think it was the “right” answer. I sat there a minute thinking what I “should” say.

He continued to stare at me, waiting for an answer.

“I do not think this is the right answer….I am sure that you are looking for something else…” I looked down, avoiding his gaze.

And then I stared right back into his eyes with complete honesty, straight from my heart, “I just want to be with him.”

James and I were eleven hours away from each other for six months of our dating relationship. I have been through a lot of pain in my life and that tops the chart. I ached. My entire body, heart, and soul longed for James every part of every day. It was the pain of starvation and only being able to think of one thing: food.

I look back on my sessions of premarital counseling and I can not remember any of the “right” answers that I gave. When I think of that time, I think of that question and that answer. And now I know it may be the only answer that I gave correctly and honestly.

That is still my answer. I want to be married to James because I want to be with him. I want him standing beside me at elementary open houses. I want him sleeping on the pillow beside me. I want him walking through the door after a hard day at work. When I get upset and fight, I want it to be with him. I want him to hug me when I am grumpy. I want to go on a summer vacation with him. I want him to sit with me in the doctor’s office. I want him to read the Bible to our child. I want to figure out this thing called life with James. I just want to be with him.

I know what it is like to be without James and it is awful! I never want to go back to that!

Why am I a Christian? The question is asked and I search my mind for the right answer. I try to think of a verse or something theological to say, but the answer is there and I know I have to say it.

I look up and stare the world straight in the eyes. “Because I just want to be with him.”

There is a lot of really great stuff in the Bible, stories of strength and stories of love and forgiveness, lessons for life, and events in history. Praying is great, going to church is uplifting, serving others is amazing. But at the end of the day, it is personal. Why are you a Christian?

I just want to be with him! This life, this time apart from God is so painful! My body and my heart and my soul cry out for him. He calls me on the phone and we talk. He sends me gifts. (I know he is God and he is always with me.) BUT I WANT TO SEE HIM FACE TO FACE! I want to hug his body and never leave his side. I want to spend eternity with Jesus!

I know what it is like to be without Jesus and it is awful! Why would I ever go back?

Tomorrow is Valentines Day, the day of LOVE! Celebrate romantic love, it is wonderful and a true reason to celebrate! But celebrate love of family, celebrate love and friends and celebrate the greatest love of all! The God that made this whole entire universe, the God that knows everything, the God that controls everything, he is the King of Kings, and Lord of Lords, and HE LOVES YOU!

Happy Valentine’s Day!


20 thoughts on “Marry Jesus

  1. Ah, that’s a perfect message for valentine’s day. In puppy love, when people are young, we used to define love as holding hands. That was such a simple thing, but it really applies in the grown up world too. Love is picking somebody to hold hands with.

    Lovely words about just wanting to be with Christ. This world really can get painful, but we do have somebody who wants to hold hands with us.


  2. Beautiful post, Caroline, and you said it all so true. I remember getting sick with longing for my hubby too while we were apart. He was away during our dating years and engagement for months at a time. It was so hard, but I can not live without my Jesus, my Lord and my Savior. He is the Lover of my soul and I MUST be with Him. His Presence fills me. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You inspired me, Caroline. You sparked a fire within me.

    I have lost at erotic love at least a dozen times, in both sin and matrimony. I have fathered and tried to support several children, working through this broken world system. I’ve had my beloved children torn away from me because I was a lousy husband and slack as a “breadwinner”. It ripped my heart out. Maybe it was all my fault. I’ve been demonized, accused, jailed, demoralized, forsaken, scorned, shunned, abandoned… -Jesus warned me.

    I have felt like dirt for so long, I’m hosting lifeforms from within. Now I am bound to God as a son to a father. I have learned to see that His creation is good and perfect and I am His offspring. Being without a life partner and soul mate is a bitter end but I know I’m not alone by any means. Of course I think about remarriage, but I’m through making vows before men and making oaths to states. Marriage was a serious institution for me. That’s all broken now, like a spell. -Jesus preached the God-spell (Gospel).

    The illusion of “romantic” love is for youngsters. Rome fell Centuries ago. Valentines Day is nearly as bad as Halloween and what they’ve done with “X-mas”. It’s pagan. The Word of God is deep and wide and full of life-giving wisdom far beyond what universities teach, yet simple and direct enough for any committed reader to learn about from Heaven about Heaven. -Jesus isn’t from Earth.

    I am dust and to dust I shall return. But in the end, my spirit will be free from all the death, pain and sorrow of this life. I’ll be a man again. I AM Adam. Like all of the dead I shall arise to see my Redeemer. Give up on this life. It’s not real. God is Spirit. “He that finds his life will lose it. He who loses his life for my sake and the Kingdom’s sake will find it again to everlasting life.” -Jesus taught me this.

    When He’s all you have, you learn quickly. -Jesus lives.

    Long-stemmed red roses grow out of dirt. Adam and Eve are saints, too. They communed with God in Eden. I don’t know about this Valentine fellow. All believers are saints, immortal and free. February 14th is just another day. Like the 4th of July. They’re marks on a man-made calendar. Don’t be led astray by myth and hype. Every day is holy and one day closer to His Return. You can delete this comment if you like.

    Like I said, you lit a fire.

    Liked by 1 person

    • No way will I delete your comment! (I never delete any of them…or haven’t yet)

      Your words are words that so many need to hear! I have learned that past hurt is almost always an open door to help other people. I see you being able to help so many!

      I am not sure if you agree with my celebration of valentines. I do see so much wrong in our culture’s portrayal of valentines and love. But I do believe in celebrating. I love to celebrate! And God’s love and love is one of the best reasons to celebrate.

      I love your honesty. I love your style of writing and your simple yet profound words. I think you have chosen to learn from life and it has made you very wise!

      Liked by 2 people

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