Being Selfish is King

Daily, hourly, minute by minute, a war rages within me. Heart speeding, mind demanding, body wanting, wanting what is best for me.

A “list person” does not begin to explain how I long for my day to be structured. Quiet coffee and writing, chores accomplished to the point of mopping and clean closets. Each day, my soul longs to close the afternoon relaxing and reading a book beside a burning candle, while a healthy dinner slowly grills and bakes, with the fruit salad already cut in the fridge. 

But two things happen daily that mess up MY plans and they are: 


Ya see, they each have their own idea how the day should go and James is not so much worried about the clean house and Madison wants to see as many people as possible. 

And here is where my covenant kicks in. I have made a covenant to my husband and my daughter. Simply put, I vow to always love them.  Sound easy enough?  My heart says that I love them to the point of my heart exploding, however, there is ALWAYS room for love to improve!  

In the words of Bob Goff, “love does.”  Love is patient. Love is kind…IT IS NOT SELF-SEEKING…  It is not enough to say to my husband and my daughter that I love them, I want to BE LOVE to them. 

Now, I love a lot of people. I want to show love to many in my life. HOWEVER, I have a covenat love with two people in my life. What does that mean?

I love my friends, but I have the freedom to move away. I love my daughter’s teacher, but if it is not working out for Madison, we are out of there. The covenant is to my husband and my daughter. I vow to always love them NO MATTER WHAT.

We can see that the covenantal love between a husband and a wife has eroded in our culture. With the divorce rate over half, and who knows how many more living in a miserable marriage, pop culture has responded with:  Be true only to yourself. Be happy at all costs. Love yourself more than anyone. 

This thinking has helped to erode marriage. And I am terrified that this is beginning to extend to our children. There was one bond that culture still encouraged and that was the bond between a parent and child. Your marriage is not working?  Let me encourage you to walk through that door, but you still have a responsibility to your children. 

Please allow me to suggest something:  you can not have it both ways. A person can not love themself above all else and keep a covenant to anyone. Dare I say, especially a child?!  When mommy is sleepy and the baby is crying, when Daddy wants to save for a boat and children cost SO FREAKIN MUCH, when I want to sit in silence and read and my daughter is a chatterbox, THAT DOES NOT MESH WELL WITH THE ME MENTALITY. 

With child trafficking on the rise, with children living among broken families, horrible stories of mothers and fathers murdering their own children, WHO IS GOING TO FIX THIS MESS?!

RETURN TO THE COVENANT!  Caroline has to chose to serve my husband and my daughter BEFORE myself!  Oh!  But who will look out for ME?!  And that is the beauty of a covenant, when I am serving James in love and he returns it to me, a vicious cycle of growing love begins. 

Yes!  I am called to love even when it is not returned. Yes!  I daily have to ask for forgiveness!  And even when I vow and long for this PERFECT covenant, IT IS IMPOSSIBLE!  And maybe this is why the towel has been thrown in for most of pop culture and it trickles down to us, because only one thing makes us chose someone else over ourselves:  GOD IS LOVE

When God is removed from our lives, it is impossible to live in a covenant. 

I, Caroline, vow to love my husband and my daughter always. And in my day to day, when I chose my own happiness before their’s, Lord Jesus, return me to YOU, so that you can love them through me, because ONLY YOU ARE PERFECT LOVE. 

7 thoughts on “Being Selfish is King

  1. Caroline,
    Thank you for your insights on love from a wife and mom’s perspective. I’m always mindful of love from a husband’s perspective and see Ephesians 5:25 as my guide: “25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her.”


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