My mind engaged in Buddism, clearing all the chaos. I released myself of riches and the hamster wheel of comfort. When suffering plagued my days, I sought to release their power. There was no purpose in their pains. But they stalked me, humoring in their disturbance, and I wasted away my life seeking relief from my fleeting days. My days of calm were no peaceful offering for the meaning of my passing life.
I seek Allah, days full of ritual prayer. His commands tell me to be good, to follow his decrees. But when the hammer of judgement falls, I find that I fail so miserably. I can not live up to his scale. Fear is all I know.
I live for this world, pursuing pleasures. One after another, I drink in their delight. When this one fades, so very quickly, I seek the next craving, surely it will fill me. Unexpected and hurt, it leaves me even more empty.
Who is this God that pursues me? The Creator of hydrangea blossoms and painter of beach sunsets. “My child, that longing and ache in your heart, it is my whisper. It is me, come and see what I have prepared for you. Your weakness will be my strength, for I will make you whole.” My every hearts desire leads me to his purpose. The tears of my hopeless nights, undone in his presence. Mercy to erase my hate, my selfishness, and my quick to anger ways. Grace that abounds what my soul longed for always.
“Why?! I have searched the gods, I have traveled far and wide and longed for just happiness. All the gods demand that I meet their standards and they ask for all of me. But you tell me that I am offered the gift of you. Why would you far exceed what I ask? And why would you possibly approach me?!”
And when all the gods dismiss me, when I find myself failing, the only one that matters searched and he found me.
Very good. Thank you for writing this.
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Reblogged this on Talmidimblogging.
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Amazingly put!
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Beautiful…
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We have a lot in common. I too have searched among the ancient ruins to find a god that would approve of me and fill me up. While I have never suffered with cancer, I have watched my family die. My parents and my own wife in 2009. I finally found Him, as you did. He courted me and nurtured my soul. Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful gift.
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Hugs friend
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Reblogged this on Dying daily and commented:
This is an amazing message of hope!
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Thank you for sharing!
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Wonderful Word,
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Thank you!
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Reblogged this on theunfetteredpreacher and commented:
Well worth a read….
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Beautifully put. Reminds me of a passage in Julian of Norwich’s Revelation of Divine Love (a work of brilliance), in which she envisions our spiritual condition as being a servant sent on a mission, fallen into a deep swamp. Jesus then comes along with the lifeline. Our hope lies not in a God who taunts us with swimming lessons while we are in the process of drowning, but a God who will mount the rescue mission…
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You are a wealth of great books! Now I have another to add to my list! I just love that imagery! So simple and so profound!
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That is a fantastic book. 🙂 Probably the only one in Middle English I have taken the trouble to re-read multiple times (though Modern English translations do exist).
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Adding to my reading list, too. Thanks! http://www.ccel.org/ccel/julian/revelations.i.html
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Fantastic find. 🙂 I had no idea it was online (though bearing in mind its age, that would make a lot of sense).
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Love it!
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Love this! Will be reblogging soon!
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Thank you!
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Hai I really liked what your write but I can’t help but ask for a little explanation of you may 🙂
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Sure…what in particular?
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is the idea of it that you are lost in finding religion
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Oh yes. Meaning that I, and humans, search for meaning in religion and try to achieve what that particular religion tells you to do. But Jesus is the only God that SEEKS US. He found me. He did all that needed to be done.
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Aha got it but I think that you choose to believe that
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Yes. There is certainly a predestination vs free will debate within christians. Not getting into that issue, be it that I chose or he chose me (I believe it is both), what I realize is that I have done none of the work to accomplish my salvation. I am not good enough. I am not all powerful or all knowing. He is. He came to earth and made a way for me to be forgiven. Made a way for me to be in heaven for eternity. IF I did anything, it was simply surrender
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I think that he is sent by God to show you the road so if you want to surrender u should surrender to God …I think he is there to make the road easier and cleaner for you to find god
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