Coming From a White Girl

It sounds so cliche to say, but I honestly do not see color as an issue at all in my life, so I feel very silly to write on it at all.  And then I realize, “Thank God it is not an issue!”  I am thankful to be on this end of Martin Luther King’s dream. This world is not perfect but I believe we are living what he dreamed about in many ways.

However, he still inspires me with this quote. When we chose comfort, popularity, money, the list goes on, when we chose to be silent when we should speak up, we, as a person and as a nation, begin to die.  Yes!  There are so many fights that we have grown tired of fighting but the causalities are still being added daily.  MLK was a strong fighter of abortion.  It is that fight that everyone says, “No, don’t bring that up again.”  But I do believe that MLK would be on the front line defending the helpless one more time.

Today, on this holiday,  I am thankful for good change and freedoms that are now enjoyed by those that once did not have them.  And today I still dream of a better tomorrow.

Clocking Time

I am a writer, a lover, a Friday night dater, a snuggling in front of the fire perfect momenter.  I love those sacred moments in life where my heart and soul go “ahhh” and life is complete and has so much meaning.  I love those moments when I feel inspired and my fingers tingle and my heart sings and my face can’t hold in the smile.  Holidays are the best and opening presents and a home full of yummy groceries.  I cherish Saturday mornings when I’ve woken up first and the house is clean and breakfast is cooking and I am sitting reading a book.  Starting off on the first day of a family vacation, getting a new puppy, that surprise shopping money in the mail, and date night kisses.

But sometimes it is Monday and it is cold and raining and I am driving home to clean a dirty house.  Sometimes I have a doctor appointment.  Quite often I have hurt someone’s feelings or said something mean or started a fight.  I don’t like to sit in that moment of things not being right.  Every now and then I burn dinner, don’t get everything checked off my “to do” list, or get irritated with my husband.  Sometimes I am stuck in traffic and I am running late.  I’ve gained weight, scratched my new shoes, gone over budget, or forgot to pack Madison’s water bottle for school.

Sometimes I am just clocking time.  And when I find myself where I don’t want to be.  I remind myself that I am so thankful to have just that:  this time that I’ve got.  So, I take a deep breath, I apologize, I drive in the rain, I start another load of laundry.  I serve.  I do something for someone else.  I do something to remind myself that it is not all about me and parties and always getting what I want.  I make a list and I clean my house.  I think about the spring time.  I turn on worship music.  I read a verse.  Because if I just show up to work, I’m getting paid by the hour.

Caroline Hendry is published!  Please click on the link below for more information or you can find Beautiful Life with Cancer, Hope During the Hard Times and Spiritual Flesh and Blood on Amazon (Kindle edition available)

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Confessions of a Process

I live my life in another world. I am constantly thinking, constantly writing, constantly contemplating. There is always always an idea spinning around in my head. I never see things as they are, I see them as they could be. I am a dreamer.

There is this girl in my head. She looks a lot like me but better. She has my same mannerisms, but she is nicer. She has more friends. Waaay more accomplishments. And way better legs. She is the girl I want to be. Each day I hope to take a step closer to her. I learn something, improve my hairdo, gain a friend. Check. Improvement on Caroline.

I am a work in process. I am not the same girl I used to be. I look back on some of the clothes I wore, the things I said, the mistakes I made, and I wonder who that girl is. She certainly is not the girl in the mirror that looks at me.

Each day I change, a slow process is occurring. Slowly, slowly, sometimes it takes a lot of time for me to see the change that has occurred. But sometimes, sometimes it hits me like an arrow to the heart. The word of God speaks right to my heart and convicts me of something in my life. Sometimes it is something that I have been struggling with for a while, sometimes years, and suddenly I see the resolution. Sometimes it is something I had given no thought and all of a sudden it is clear before me and there must be change. I will choose good. It may hurt but I will come out closer to the girl I want to be. OR I will chose laziness, apathy, convenience, or the path I know is not right for me. It never turns out well when I chose that path.

I have been hit with a change that must occur. My O.C.D mind complains, why could this have not occurred earlier?! It would have fit nicely into the box of a New Years Resolution! But God’s timing is not my own.

I would not consider myself a gossiper. Maybe just because of personality. I am more laid back and drama wears me out. But not to lighten the sin, I gossip. I get fed up with people and rather than dealing with it, I lighten my stress by gossiping. Or maybe it is not even an issue. Sometimes someone just looks funny or they do something stupid or I am surprised by someone’s actions and I want to be the one to share the news and gossip to someone about someone else. SHAME ON ME!

One too many times, I have learned the story behind the action and guilt sets in, as it should. One too many times, I have been the one to do something stupid and prayed someone wouldn’t gossip about me. One too many times, I have been gossiped about wrongly and I have been hurt.

Today this hit me like a lightening bolt and I see the ugliness of judging and spreading that judgement. So, here I am, mid January, making a resolution not to gossip any more! I am making a covenant that when I struggle with negative thoughts toward someone to pray for them. And I am taking one more step toward the girl I want to be.

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New Day, New Month, Little Baby New Year

Good morning sleepy head, it’s a new day. Start fresh. Rise and behold what this day holds. If it’s bad, you have something to prove. One step at a time. Hard? You’ve got this. If the day is giving, offer up thanks. You’ve always been provided for. Challenging, blessing, surprising, lift up your chin and show them what you’ve got. It’s a new day.

Rise and shine new month. The sun is peeking through the curtains. Your alarm did not go off. Coffee is ready. Breakfast is hot. January, it is time to get dressed. Add a layer, please give us some snow. You are the promise of resolutions kept: friends reunited, memories built, promotions accomplished, and healthy bodies made. Please wake up January. Rise with a smile on your face and greet the world.

Little baby new year looks just like her Daddy. 2015 has the promise of the world, the potential of everything. Kings will be crowned, true love will be found, forgiveness will be granted, dreams will be lived. But little baby New Year, one step at a time. You still nurse on your Momma and lay swaddled in blankets. We greet you and we love you. Welcome 2015!

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Happy New Life!

10. 9. 8. It goes that fast. I was getting in trouble for my chatty mouth in fourth grade yesterday and today I am the mom raising a little chatterbox. 7. 6. 5. Just the other day, it feels, I was the cold college student running across the campus lawn under the starry sky and it struck me, I missed my husband I had not met yet. I knew one day I would be made complete with the love I was longing for. Today, we are knocking on the door of a thirteen year anniversary. 4. This life is so meaningful, so important, so valuable. But it is a glimpse, a blink, a breath. 3. 2. A new year, a new me. I want to see more of the gym, I want to save and accumulate, and have some fun! But 1. The last number is coming. The curtain will fall. The last new year will come. I will rise with a new life. And this new year, my resolution is to lay to rest the things that do not matter so that a new life will rise and the earth will applaud, this is the purpose I came to accomplish, the reason I was born.

On The Road

Literally and metaphorically, On the road. Christmas tradition has it that the Hendrys celebrate Christmas morning at home with our family traditions of the three of us. The night brings celebrations of one side of the family and then the morning of the 26, the car is loaded down and we set off for a second Christmas with FL grandparents. Somewhere along this trip, it hits us: another year is gone. We have partied, stuffed our bellies, and ended the year in more fun than should be allowed.

Now here we are, on the road, driving home. We are leaving 2014 behind us and each mile brings us closer to 2015. I will, literally, spend the last hours cleaning up our messes from our 2014 adventures. I will, metaphorically, clean up Caroline and start over in a new fresh year.

Happy Memories of the Past and Happy Welcoming the NEW YEAR!

Yesterday Was Christmas.

Today is December 26. The waiting is over. Christmas has come and gone. So, how’d it go? Did all your dreams come true? Get everything you want? Well, I’m not instantly rich or famous and I still want a swimming pool but my waiting is not over yet.

I love Christmas! Exclamation point! Love everything that goes with it! And we had an amazing day! Holidays with a seven year old are magical. We scattered reindeer food on our yard Christmas Eve night. The sprinkles are the main ingredient. I love that we have unopened new board games waiting to be played. My Renaissance girl wants to learn to sew so gifts included a new sewing kit and we are going to learn together. James assembled a new desk that has hours and hours of future learning to be completed on its surface. I also have video of one of the funniest Christmas events that is now a Christmas memory that I will never forget. One of Madison’s gifts included an Ant Farm, so Sweet Daddy assembled that for her. Dump in the sand, moisten the sand, dump in the ants (caution: these ants will sting) dump in the ants…”Caroline! help!” I am ashamed to say that I recorded the catastrophe instead of rushing to help. I see James chasing red ants all over the living room table!!! …And the cherry on top for Madison’s day was a collection of new stuffies. That is Madison’s thing. She is perfectly content in life with a stuffed animal in her arms. I treasure these days. There are not enough Christmases in my mothering career where my girl will giggle and sing and life will be made complete with such simple toys.

So, I’m content with Christmas and life with my family but I’m still waiting. I’m waiting today and I will be waiting tomorrow and I will still be waiting when next Christmas comes and goes. Because, don’t get me wrong, I LOVE Christmas, but that is not what I’m waiting for. Those presents won’t be opened on this earth. The very best presents are yet to come.

merry CHRISTmas. It is So Much Bigger Than That.

We counted down the days until Christmas and I realize that it so so much bigger than that. Since the fall of man, believers hoped and counted down to the birth of the Messiah.

I have held a newborn to my cheek. It is not something easily forgotten. A parent cherishes the first moment of laying their eyes on their precious child and the touch of their skin is believing in miracles. And I know that Mary and Joseph were favored and blessed among humans because Mary carried God in her womb and she looked upon his face and she cared for his infant body.

Today is Christmas, but it is so much more than that. I LOVE the magic of first stepping into the living room, carols playing, a fire burning, stockings overflowing. Breakfast will be set out and will be much too much for the three of us to eat: quiche, donuts, fruit, sausage balls, cinnamon rolls, orange juice, and coffee. Presents will finally be opened. I can not wait to play with Madison’s new gifts with her! We will feast for lunch and then open more presents. Then we will gather with family and smile and hug, feast some more, and gather on the best day of the year. But this celebration is all a remembrance. This birthday is of my God. Immanuel. God is with us.

I was lost, and sick, blind, poor, and had no hope. But now I am found, and perfect, and rich, and a child of God. Christmas is everything!

Merry CHRISTmas!

 

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Lacking Spirit?

Don’t feel festive? Not really in the mood? Good! Because it’s not about you! It’s not about me. Christmas is about Jesus.

Feeling stressed? Still have a lot to do? Baking. Cleaning. Wrapping. Does it not seem like fun right now? Good! Because it is not about fun! It’s about service. If you are busy, be thankful.

Maybe you are alone? Maybe you are lonely? Good! Because you can focus. Be alone with God! What a blessing!

Jesus is calling out. He has invited you to his birthday party! Don’t feel happy at the moment? Do something for Jesus. Busy? Serve Jesus. Alone? No you aren’t. He is there with you. Embrace the last few moments. Merry CHRISTmas!

 

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Staring at My Family

Because I have him,
My heart beats.

Because she calls me “Mommy,”
My heart beats.

The Christmas tree that captivates,
Parties, Carols, Presents, and festive dinners.

Thank God for the gifts he gave me,
and my heart that beats.

 

 

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