I look back on the dream of me, those memories that are mine that seem as true as the movie I watched last weekend. People are so many people in one life.
I have times that stick out to me in my fog of memories and I remember the emotion, the facts get blurred and I don’t remember the exact day, or even the exact month, sometimes not even the exact year. But I remember the emotion.
I just remember being fearless. I remember taking it all in like instructions for a pickup game of basketball, I didn’t know what I was doing, wasn’t my sport, a little worried my lack of skills would not impress the others, but all in all it wasn’t that big of a deal. But it wasn’t basketball, and it was a big deal. It was cancer.
I was fifteen years old. I had absolutely no clue who I was, I just rolled with the punches and tried not to get in the way. Doctor appointment, ok. Surgery, I’ll be there. Cancer. My job was to have a good attitude.
The day. The first of those days arrived. Surgery. I remember nothing about getting ready. I remember no nervousness over the risks. There was no caution, no stress, no worries. I can’t even recall any of the presurgery details. But I remember something, something I wish I could forget.
A pain too intense for words. Immediately, as I began to claw my way out of my painkiller sleep, my body now understood the meaning of the word cancer.
Pain. And isn’t that what we are all scared of? The fear of all people of all the world. We aren’t worried about the future, but we are afraid it will hurt. Maybe we aren’t scared to die, just don’t want there to be pain in the how. I don’t have trouble trusting Jesus with my life, I just want to make sure that his plan isn’t a painful one.
And how do I come to terms with fear, that fear of pain, not just cancer, but any pain? And the answer is: IT WILL.
It will hurt. In this life, you will have troubles. What is my priority? Comfort? Money? Health? Well, Jesus has bigger plans for me, bigger plans than just this world.
How are we supposed to cope knowing that it is sure to hurt? “In this world you will have trouble, BUT I HAVE OVERCOME THE WORLD!”
Jesus knows pain! The ultimate pain, more than any human will ever experience. And he chose it! Why? Because there is something greater than this world!
And I want that! I trade this world for heaven! I trade these earthly possessions that are out of fashion and fall apart much too quickly for eternal gold and glory. I choose serving over me. I choose love over selfishness. And I choose hope over fear.