I want answers. I want to know what to do to be healthy, make money, raise a successful citizen, be a stellar friend, and how clean my house should be!
When I said, “I do.” I really meant I did. But sometimes, more often than I want you to know, I looked more like I didn’t. I was, am, grumpy, rude, self serving, and just plain done. But I loved him. I still do.
And when the nurse laid that 7lb 9oz miracle on my instantly smaller tummy, I cried and smiled and instantly changed, because she was everything, and meaningful, and poetic, and beautiful, and soft as beautiful. But sometimes, more than I want you to know, I get frustrated with a messy room, and stepping on pink Legos, and a sassy attitude. But I love her. I always will, even through the teenage years.
When should I scrub and when should I play? How many cups of milk should I drink in a day? Should I sit on the couch and watch a show with James or read “Bringing Up Girls,” that should have been checked off my reading list six years ago? Should I call up a friend or spend the day at home? Is this the year to save or enjoy? A bush or a floral beside the house? When and how and where? Why?
Daddy, Father God, will you please tell me?
Because it matters completely. I want to do and accomplish. But I have made mistakes. And I hear you whisper that yesterday does not matter. Right here. Right now. This very.
One thing is the objective: accomplish, do, succeed, but the greatest of these is love. Love.
Beautiful Life with Cancer 