He is Going With Me

I have a week off second grade!  SPRING BREAK!  Okay, it is my daughter who actually attends school, but HEY I get a break also. I can hit snooze a few more times, a week off making school lunches, no setting out uniforms, a break from carline, and I get to keep my girl with me from 8:00 – 2:30.  

Plans, parties, and promises are scheduled but there is something that has crept into our lives and it always has a way of peeking its head out when we would rather have another day to go on a picnic and we would rather spend our money on some more spring landscaping, but he nags and pries and won’t go away. 

Yep, headed to Duke. I really love my doctors but sometimes I kinda wish I never met them. I have two appointments.  One with an oncologist and one with an endocrinologist. And I also have a scan. Don’t forget the scan. Errr. I wish I could forget the scan. 

But I hope and I pray, we are in and we are out and this is the only post on the topic. I hope and I pray that I get a clean bill of health and there are no more appointments scheduled and no more concerns raised. But, however it goes, the God who made my body and knows me more inside and out, and loves me more than I love myself (and that is saying a lot) has gone before me and nothing will catch Him by surprise, so my mind is at peace. And He is going with me. 

Is There Another Option?

I like the safe route.  Not really a risk taker.  I enjoy the rush of, well anything, but I first have to be pushed over the edge.  OK.  I admit it, scaredy pants.  Yep, that’s me.

Cancer?  Yeah, I’ll take option two!

Cancer is not what I chose.  It is unpredictable, it is not safe, high maintenance, scary, pretty much everything that I would not choose for my life.

A few years ago, I started feeling sick.  Rapid heart beat.  That happened to me before.  Then it got worse and worse.  And the doctor discovered two tennis ball size tumors in my Adrenal Glands.  I didn’t really want to do that again.  So, when I started feeling similar symptoms, I tried not to…I tried not to….yeah, I freaked out.

I went to the doctor and sat on the medical table, kicked my legs back and forth, and waited for her to come and tell me:  Cancer.

But, she walked through the door, and we just needed to adjust my medication.  And then she said something, something she had no clue what she was saying, she said, “Don’t get so scared.  Going to the doctor is not that big of a deal.”

Really?  Well, it is for me.  Ya know, most people get scared of the possibility of the news that has been a reality for me.  Scared?  I’m human.  Yeah, I get a little nervous when my heart starts beating rapidly, I get a little nervous to sit on that damn doctor’s chair/table (what in the hell is that thing?) because once upon a time, several times, it wasn’t good news and then go back home for me.

So, Cancer?  Why don’t I like it?  Stupid question, huh?  Cancer is scary.  It hurts.  That pretty much sums it up.  And when I write it down like that, I realize, Hmmmm, that pretty much sums up life.

If there is something that I have learned in life, it is this:  Everybody has something!  Something, something that is scary.  Something that hurts.

We are humans and this is life.  Life is scary and life hurts.

So, what is option 2?  Option 2 is perfection.  It is tears wiped away and never crying again.  Option 2 is forever.  It is security, it is getting every thing that I want.  Option 2 is living with the God of the Universe for all of eternity!  Option 2 is Heaven.

So, I’m signed up.  That day will come.  Option 2 is what is happening next.  So, that makes cancer not so scary.

A Hot Date with Cancer

I hit the town with my man. He is hot. I mean, he is that guy that turns heads and he is mine. How did I get him?! Not only is he hot but he is the whole package!

Babysitter for the night, we freshened up in our hotel room for the night then headed to Maggianos. Yum and fun. We took a “seat yourself booth” beside the bar and we ordered drinks. I needed a drink. Then we ordered some comfort food. We laughed and we looked …normal. We looked like a couple with a babysitter having a date. Well, my man knows how to treat me and we were not done after dinner. We hit up the Kroger for some dark chocolate for me, gelato for him, and we mixed and matched a six pack for us to share. We laughed and held on to each other. “This would not be fun with anyone but you.” His simple compliments mean the world to me.

Seeing us here, someone would almost think we were normal. I feel better than that. I feel like I have conquered the world. And so I owe the world to my husband. Because I am not wearing this scarf to make a fashion statement. When we return to the room and I pull it off, I am hiding a fresh scar and a swollen incision. And we have not traveled seven hours for our fun night on the town. I have a post op. appt. tomorrow at Duke.

But I strut through this town like I own it. And I walk through the doors of Duke University Hospital like I have an honors degree here. And I chat with the leading surgeon in MEN2A Cancer like we are BFFs. Because I can do anything. I can have cancer. And the very best husband in the whole entire world just makes it feel like one hot date.