Awareness of the Road, Cancer Awareness Month

To walk the road alone.  The road is paved, others go before me, but a cold wind blows and I pull my thick sweater around my body.  I have a sweater.  I stare into the sky, my mind wandering.  I do not know where I travel and I question where I came from.  The season is early Fall and there are sprinkles of changes.  Oh yes, change will come.  It always has and always will.  The only thing to stay the same is change.

And I have things to do that will not be done and things I’ve done that I should not have bothered with.  It is these moments of great wondering and wonderment that I see it all so clearly.  For in my confusion of meaning, there are those that are all that matter.  They are the ones I love and want and those that will always be because they are part of what makes me me.

Was I what I was made to be?  I ask the one who did make me.  It all came and is going so very quickly down this road that I do not know where it leads, but it leads so ever quickly.  When I started, there was no thought but now it is all that consumes me.  The virtues that are of another world, to what lives on.  Now I see.  Did I love for love or did I serve just me?

Writers are Readers

  
 I turn in my bed, open my eyes, and lay on my pillow for another minute. There is no beeping alarm and I smile at the thought. (I do not usually smile in the morning). I grab my phone off my night stand and take a quick look at the clock. Just after 8. Fall break is great for sleeping in. 

I stretch open my eyes and pop in my contacts, fill a glass with water and quickly swallow my morning medication. I head straight to one of the most important things in life:  coffee. I grab my extra large homemade coffee mug and sort of smile when I remember that I paid ridiculously too much to paint this mug one day on a play date with my girl and some friends. But the mug says, “Caroline’s Coffee” and I like that.  Fall breaks are the best for drinking coffee. 

The house is quiet. James has already left for work. (He does not get to observe Fall break with us). Conner has already left for college. (My niece lives with us and I love her to pieces!  Her college break is not even as long as my third grader’s). And Madison is still asleep. I will let her sleep just a little bit longer and give myself a little time to read. Fall break is made to have a little extra time to read. 

Over Fall Break, I completed Ben Carson’s “One Nation” (AMAZINGLY INSPIRATIONAL), started “Teresa of Calcutta” by D. Jeanene Watson (wow!  I want to be this woman!), and read a few more chapters of “12 Huge Mistakes Parents Can Avoid” by Tim Elmore.

I am a parent. I make mistakes. I want to avoid mistakes. This is the book for me. My daughter is eight years old. This is a great time to read this book. He says things like “let your kids fail” and my heart has this little battle with Tim and I say, “WHAT?!” And he says “yes” and I scream “no” and he says “It is the best thing for Madison” and I say “ouch!” And grab my heart and I don’t want my little girl to hurt but he walks through the benefits of letting our children fail and learn from their mistakes and what unbeneficial adults our kids will grow up to be if Momma is always coming to the rescue. And I want my daughter to be an aide to society, so I read on. 

I do want what is best for my girl, even if it is hard for me to loosen my grip and let go of one, maybe two fingers.  But as I do this, something absolutely spiritual happens.  Every finger that I release is replaced by one of God’s fingers!

Ya see, I am not throwing my eight year old into the hands of this world. Hell no!  I am releasing her into the hands of loving God, that believe it or not, loves her even more than I do!  He has plans for her, plans to prosper her!

So, this book has helped me with some very practical ways of knowing how to appropriately give an eight year old independence and what are some ways that I can let an eight year old take responsibility and feel some natural consequences and some natural benefits!  

And do you know what, she amazes me!  And when that girl works hard and gets things accomplished and when she is not entitled to sweets and playing and when she earns a trip out to get frozen yogurt with her cousin and a family night of Uno, she loves me all the more for it and I see that, as Tim Elmore says it, that “I am not raising a child. I am raising an adult.”  And Fall Break is the best time to raise my future adult. 

Freezing Cold Warmth

Bare trees and gray skies, the wind howls and sends shivers through my body.  We have hit a record low and it is here to stay.  Colder and snowier than the norm.  My girl and I try to go for a walk but we can not endure the cold for more than a few minutes.  Packing on extra layers every morning and learning again to keep up with the mittens.  The cold reaches down to your bones.

Build a fire, pour a hot drink.  Sit and cover with a throw.  Crockpot dinners are more appreciated.  The winter menu is revisited.  Chili, Pot Roast, Turkey, and ham.  Bigger and hotter, the better.  Prepare the closets for new Christmas toys, begin the shopping browsing, give in to the Christmas music a little early this year.  Call up some family that you have not seen in a while.  Our hearts were not prepared to hibernate but to endure.

It is the freezing cold that makes me so appreciate the warmth.

Trick or Treat. Smell my feet.

We’ve been counting down the days, purchased the costumes, not just for the seven year old but Mommy and Daddy also. There are lights and orange and black garland around the front door. Three carved pumpkins will finally glow. The plastic pumpkin filled with candy and Halloween shaped pretzels is so large it always draws comments. Lights and another pumpkin around the mantle. Pumpkins here. Pumpkins there. Apple pie, trail mix, and cupcakes on the table awaiting guests. Cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents will soon be here. Following will be a party at Emi’s. Costume contests are taken seriously. There will be a cash prize. A bonfire and s’mores. Not only is the American tradition a perfect Fall night, it welcomes in the official holiday season. Take your mark. Get set. Trick or treat. Smell my feet. Have fun! And be safe!