Mountains spread before me. The river cuts them apart. The morning sun yawns and slowly rises. I lift my coffee. My two hands cusp its warmth. Deep breath and peace in my heart. I pray. I seek. Early in the morning, in my life, in the conversation, I seek God.
His word says give. His command is to love. The law says purity. I obey him and I am happy. All my heart searches for him. I study in the library, feasting on knowledge. Listening in class, Science is his creation. Attentive in speeches, charity is his work. I want to know his good. I want no compromise in my life. When I eat, it is of the fruit he provided. When I speak, it is an outpouring of the knowledge he provided. When I clean, it is of his blessings. And when I laugh, it is joy that can not be contained. I want others to look at me and see you. I want your principles to radiate from my life’s obsessions.
I am young. My body is healthy. My body is fit and handsome. Young women notice me. Pretty girls flirt. How can I stay pure? I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you. I think about you when I am tempted. I have disciplined my eyes to look away. I have trained my mind to look for goodness, to call it out, and to praise it. Even though I am sought, I have already been won. I am untouchable.
A crowd forms around me. They follow my example. They have wandered away like sheep and you find them. I rebuke evil that preys on others. I listen, I feel, and I cry. A beggar lacks the training so easily given away. A nagging child needs the discipline her bratty spirit craves. A neglected life begging, begging for love, one soul alone can give. I want to see. I want to give. I want to heal.
A conspiracy forms against me. I will not wander. I meditate on your principles. I am overwhelmed by the power that swells within me. Disgrace is among the people that lie about me. So short is their conniving plan.
I have determined to follow you. Teach me, O Lord. Give me understanding. I will put it into practice. I walk in your path. I ponder my direction. My eagerness is for you, not for money! Blessings are poured out on me. All this world is lavished upon me but it is not my fulfillment. It all is at my fingertips, it all, I give away.
Forever you stand firm. My lips burst in worship. I live to sing your praise.
I, Caroline, long to be that Psalm 119 boy. So easily, Lord, you provide that life for me.