You could say I’m never satisfied. Maybe that is a good thing? Perhaps that is how things improve?
I love my home. I really really do, but there is always something that I want to change. The playroom should be painted yellow, not tan. I wish there was more overhead lighting in the living room. This spring, I plan to plant a small vegetable garden in a raised bed. I would like a new coffee table. The list continues and it never ends.
It takes time. It takes a certain number of birthdays and Christmases and time gone by.
But that’s the thing, time gone by.
I look back at 20 year old Caroline. Single. Not a mother. Did not have a clue about hosting a family for dinner, did not yet appreciate American History, or even coffee. Who in the hell was that girl?! Not me!
A wise man once said, “My wife has been married to several different men. And they were all me.”
I am a different person than I was just a couple of years ago. I now take my coffee black, I am inspired by Ben Carson, I love a seven year old’s chapter book as much as one intended for an adult, my daughter is at a new school, and I am a published writer!
I hope, I dream that in just a couple of years I can write a new list of improvements. I have dreams and aspirations for my life.
But I realize something. It hit me smack in the face exactly eight years ago: Time has a first class ticket. He hopped a jet plane and he is flying out of town. He never looks back and he just keeps on going.
It will be great, I hope, to finally live in the home of my dreams. It will be great, I really hope, to one day have a pool in my backyard. I want to see Belize. I want my daughter to find her place and serve the Lord through her many talents, I want to hold back tears while she stands stunningly gorgeous marrying a man that passed her Daddy’s approval and shotgun, and I want to see my friendships last a lifetime while meeting new ones along the way.
However, on that glorious day, my eyes will be a little weaker. My skin will be wrinkley. I will not have a little girl sleeping in a teal bedroom equipped with stuffies. There will be no guinea pig whistling in the front bedroom, and my days will be less.
It will be great to one day get a new coffee table, but for now, I’ll just sit and read a book with my little passenger that I’ve got beside me on this plane.