She threw the magazine across the room and yelled, “It doesn’t work!” She had tried it. She had tried it all. She had read every parenting magazine and tried every method and she still did not have the intimate relationship with her son that she longed for. What was the problem?
While she was shopping, she wandered over to the boy’s department and purchased him a new pair of tennis shoes and a new water gun. She got her nails done and then headed to dinner with her girlfriends. She discussed her frustration with them, but they did not seem to understand.
She drove home, entered her home, and climbed the steps to his bedroom pondering the lack in their relationship.
He turned his head on his pillow and smiled slightly at her entrance to his bedroom.
“Hey sweetheart. I bought you a new water gun today.”
“Thanks Mommy. Will you play with it with me tomorrow?”
“Well, I have work tomorrow but I bet Sarah will play with you.”
“Ok. Can we have breakfast together in the morning?”
“You know you will get breakfast at your Day Camp.”
He seemed suddenly excited and she wondered what he had to say, “Oh! I have an assignment to fill a bag with things from nature. Will you do my homework with me?”
That was not what she was hoping for. She wasn’t really the type to explore nature. “I will make sure your tutor knows you have that assignment…Goodnight. I love you.”
And he rolled over.
She felt lacking, “Do you love me sweet boy?”
He did not answer.
She left his room wondering why they did not have a deeper relationship. She paid his Nanny and she went to bed.
Toy purchases, birthday parties, “I love you Mommy”s, and sweet cuddles are amazing! HOWEVER the relationship happens in the day to day. Battles getting dressed, potty training, sounding out words, working through tough times at school, waiting together at the doctor’s office are the times that mean we have a relationship. It means we are doing life together.
It is GREAT to be in love with Jesus, it is great to be overwhelmed with his creation and thankful for his blessings. But unless the mom is pouring cereal and doing homework with her son, the relationship is lacking. If we are not reading our Bibles and serving others in need and living out what we say we believe, our relationship with God is lacking. We can not get frustrated with our lack of intimacy if we are not doing the day to day work that builds our relationship.
Somewhere else, tapping on the steering wheel, with a stoic glare on his face. It ended with a firm grip and then slapping the seat beside him in frustration. What could he possibly have done wrong and why were they the way they were. After three years of marriage, they should not have drifted apart. He loved her. He really did. Ofcourse he did. He had married her, hadn’t he? He had chosen her among all the other women that he had ever known. When asked if he was married, he answered that she was his wife. He worked hard at the office. What else could he possibly do?
With frustrated determination, he scrolled through the recents and called her. A date was set and he was excited. He needed some romance and excitement. He needed this flicker to grow into a wildfire.
Pulling into the driveway, he laid on the horn. What was taking her so long? They were going to be late for call ahead seating.
Twenty minutes late, they almost lost their table. He took a deep breath and refocused. He stared across the booth at his wife. She was beautiful. She was stunningly gorgeous. He slid out of the booth and reseated himself beside her, squishing her in tight.
“What are you doing sweety?” Her confused question was an insult.
He tried again, using his fingers to gently push her long hair behind her ear and then he leaned forward and whispered something intimate.
Her reaction was not exactly what he had been going for, “Hey. Back up. Let’s just talk.”
And then he lost it. “What in the hell is your problem? Why don’t you act like you did when we first got married? Why don’t you make me feel like that? Why don’t you excite me anymore? You are boring! Do you know other women come on to me at work? I need you to give me something more. I need you to give me the mountaintop experience!”
In his anger, he was surprised by her calm answer, “Marriage is not always about a feeling. Marriage does not happen here, on dates. These are great but they are few and far between. Marriage is life together. Marriage includes the hard times. I need a relationship in those every day moments. I need more than rare dates. You can not be absent in my daily life and show up every two weeks and expect hot emotion on a date like when we first met.”
WHY oh why do we expect Jesus to date us and keep the tingly feelings flowing when we do not do life with him? Mountaintop experiences are great. Church is great, new conversions are great, tingles are great, but they are not life. We can not live our lives our own way and then expect a hot date on a random Friday.
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